Residues of Chewing Gum

Few people I see nowadays chew chewing gum, but the damage has already been done. I mean the 25,000 quarter-sized black patches that grace the platforms of subway stations, but particularly the one on 168th Street. In terms of the theory that links urban crime with tolerance for dilapidation, I would expect the 168th Street station to be a shooting gallery. The remedies are many, and I will only enumerate three.: encourage chewing gum, by distributing them for free, in the hope that all black patches in the end will congeal into one continuous black shiny surface. A second remedy would be to hire the artist from Queens, and give him sufficient funds to hire an entire army of artists, who all convert each of the black patches into beautiful miniatures by strokes of a minibrush. A third remedy would be to breed bacteria that depend in their livelihood on digesting chewing gum, turning it into carbon dioxide, some minerals, and water.

At any rate, it will be easy to organize a petition since the daily crowd that has to pass the site of urban grime on a daily basis is quite substantial, it goes into the tens of thousands.

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