A few weeks ago I received a book in the mail, entitled The New Theory of Consciousness, by an author named Delanin Fedahunsy. The accompanying marketing letter by his assistant gave me two choices, either to keep the book and send a $10 check to a specified address, or to send the book back. There was no self-addressed stamped envelope — the famously titled SASE of all unsolicited business — included in the package, so I sent a tersely worded message back via e-mail.  It now turns out that I was in good company with other recipients. In a brilliant move, the author now distances himself from the promotion and claims to be a victim, not a perpetrator, of the scheme. Below is the e-mail I received today, in its entirety. But before reading it you should first appreciate the scope of the book whose cover depicts an erectly walking ape of unidentifiable gender whose mouth is open and whose face is quite expressive in what must be the first speech act at the very dawn of consciousness.

Instead of a giving a summary,  it should suffice to recite the preamble of the book, even at the risk of contributing to the book’s promotion:

“This theory has, throughout this compilation, employed the ‘oddity hypothesis’ paradigm, which infers that any attribute of a organism is deductible, inferable, observable or traceable from phylogeny or otherwise it is unnatural or insane; on the basis of which its claim of self verification is hinged, since the paradigm is like a piece of detective work in which it is impossible to plant evidence, unless our phylogeny is to be re-written.”

Now let’s turn to the author’s distancing act:

“This
TO ALL RECIPIENTS OF UNSOLICITED COPIES OF MY BOOK

Dear Sir/ Madam,

Re: The New Theory of Consciousness – TNTOC

The above book, of which I am the author, refers. (sic!)
Just in case you did receive any correspondence purporting to be from my
assistant, it is important to point out that any such was from the
marketing strategist, since I have no assistant.
This letter became obligatory subsequent to the first of the interim bi –
monthly progress report on the above book’ sales trials, from which to my
utter chagrin, I noticed as one of the items, a so called ‘launching a
book/debt recovery drive’, which unflatteringly was meant for what was an
unbelievable list of recipients sent a volume of unsolicited copies in the
UK and USA, without even as much as an inclusion of postage paid SAE (with
which even in the UK could only be at the sender’s risk), such having been
purportedly inadvertently omitted in the rush for the much vaunted
Christmas holiday sales. All of these in staggering numbers even on what
was said to be trials!
Gutted and mortified, a damage limitation exercise became unavoidable; a
task held up so far only by the frantic, if costly and time consuming,
search for recipients’ email addresses.
Even more shocking still, in what could only be described as incurable
salesman absurdity, was the ostensible ‘cost and time saving’ (?) method
of sending up to 40 or more copies, in some instances, to a single
department of just one institution!; not to mention deleting genuine
complaints of distressed recipients from the website, because they
purportedly contained profanities (there was no evidence found to support
this) and thereby making it impossible to detect and halt what amounts to
a folly much earlier.
Ultimately, I accept full responsibility for this travesty and owe
everyone subjected to it an unreserved apology for the rather obnoxious,
if foolhardy, sales strategy. The copy now in your possession is yours to
hold or dispose of as you may wish, absolutely free of obligations. You
will under no circumstances, whatsoever, receive any further
correspondence on this matter, from anyone associated with this book.
If you are one of the recipients that have gone out of their way to pay
for the return of the book anyway, can you kindly let me know, by return
of email, if and how I may reimburse you for it? I also seize the
opportunity to show my appreciation for your kind consideration of my
plight.
For recipients to whom this book may be of interest and especially those
who may consider it worth its paper, it is pertinent to mention that the
theory, compressed into a handy paperback for the ease of its
introduction, is incomplete without certain details such as the essential
two unmentioned sub – classes in each category of the three tiers of
consciousness, NDC, SDC, PDC, and corresponding intelligences especially,
for example.
This has become relevant due to the fact that the exhaustive sequel
venture, my hope for a fuller discussion about these vital minutiae and a
host of other issues such as teleonomy in the light of TNTOC, including
the desire for a sleep walking awareness campaign ( with the aim of
attempting to halt, for all time, what essentially is premeditated and
calculated murders directed against women in particular) from a percentage
of sales, may for now have to wait a while longer, as I try to deal with
the present situation. I will endeavor to use the website for such issues,
soon as practicable.
Thank you for your time.
I remain

Yours faithfully,

Delanin Fadahunsy
AUTHOR

P.S.
Ever since I started sending out this letter, I have received considerate
words from a host of recipients of the unsolicited copies wishing to
return (some deciding to pay), a couple of which are displayed on the
website. In the light of this, I have decided to add this clause, which is
that should you wish, out o f personal choice, to assist by sending the
book back (it is important to emphasize that you are under no obligation),
please kindly indicate by return of email and arrangements will be made
for its recovery for which I am grateful.